


Kafgay and Linku Do a Thing

by Dastardly



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dastardly/pseuds/Dastardly
Summary: This is how the Kafei and Anju questline really went.





	

"Well? What's with the look, kid? Aren't you going to say something?"

Link wanted to say something; he wanted to ask the billion-and-one questions that had just clouded his mind, but he didn't know where to begin. After asking nearly everybody in Clock Town if they'd seen poor, ol' Anju's runaway fiancée, he really didn't even have the strength to act all that shocked. Instead, he stood dumbfounded by what he had just learned.

This child couldn't possibly be Kafei. They were looking for an adult, right? Was Anju some kind of cougar or what?

"I guess we expected someone…taller," Tatl opened her big, fat, stupid mouth before Link could even get a word in.

"Funny," Kafei, now unmasked, glared at the fairy. His crimson eyes held an unusual maturity in them for someone his apparent age. "That Skull Kid did this. He's been messing with a lot of things, lately, but this is taking it too far. He's ruined my marriage! Just look at me! Anju won't want to marry a mere child!" He cleared his throat, then added, "No offense, of course."

Tatl was about to chime in again when Link shoved past her words, "So you really are Kafei, then?"

"Duh, who else has purple fucking hair in Clock Town?" The other boy seated himself at the desk near the foot of his bed. It was a cozy little place, the Laundry Pool house. It was kind of cramped, though.

Tatl, completely left out of the conversation now, muttered something like "Mayor Dotour", but no one was listening to her, anymore.

Link pressed on, "Then why use the Keaton Mask if your purple fucking hair is so obvious?"

"Because," Kafei picked up said mask off of the desk and stroked one of the fox's ears slowly, "Anju and I always did this roleplay thing in bed where...well, it reminds me of her, and when we-"

"Okay, never mind that, then, but if Anju truly loves you, and you love her, why hide at all? I'm pretty sure she would understand. Skull Kid's been fucking up more shit than just your marriage while you've been playing hermit." Link folded his arms, and narrowed his eyes in an attempt to appear firm. Somehow, some way, this side-quest would help him achieve his own goals.

"You think I'm just hiding? Look behind you. There's a peephole. The guy who stole my wedding mask does business with the black market. I can't return to Anju until I get my mask back. You understand?"

Link glanced around behind him. Sure enough, a small peephole was carved out of the wall. The logic of their conversation not reaching the ears of those on the other side through such thin walls was something to be analyzed at a later date.

A tense quiet filled the air. It was one of those moments where you would think that a silent agreement occurred between the two characters.

"No." Link unfolded his arms and threw his hands on his hips. He still didn't get it.

"Ugh, I can't believe you! Wait, yes I can. You're too young to understand. I mean it offensively this time." In his frustration, Kafei tossed the Keaton Mask, which hit Tatl and sent her spiraling down the Laundry House stairs.

"El oh el, score! I'll give that a ten." Link held up his hand for his new bro, Kafei, to give him a high-five, but his homie just wasn't feeling it.

"Wow, you are truly fifty shades of fucking stupid."

"I think you're just sexually frustrated, like that moon everyone's been saying will fall in three days." The genius comment came so fluid-like from Link's lips. He proceeded to make awkward, sexual advances towards Kafei, who resisted by pushing the boy onto his bed. This choice of action did not make the situation any less awkward.

"Whateverz," Link sighed and stretched out on the bed.

"So, wait, what about this sexually frustrated moon? Is it really going to fall? Do you know?" Kafei did his best to change the topic. He was also concerned that he would never be able to reunite with his woman before they were all obliterated by a giant rock with a pedophile-glare.

"Yup. Totally Skull Kid's doing, too. Who else?"

There was a brief pause where no one had anything else to say, then Tatl appeared at the top of the stairs again with her wings all in a tangle. "What the fuck? Nice shot, eggplant," she ranted, but nobody cared.

"I still think we should just tell Anju. I mean, if you really only have three days before the sexually frustrated moon smashes all of Termina…" Link shrugged his shoulders, shot a seducing glance at Kafei, and eased back toward the topic the other boy was avoiding.

"Ugh, fine, whatever. Wot-ev-ur."

So, the two set off to visit the Stock Pot Inn!

 

"I don't get why you have to wear the mask…" The two boys and their mangled, fairy companion strode into the Stock Pot Inn like it was just whatever. They three weren't at all an odd-looking trio. Two boys and an obnoxious fairy was usually the norm for Clock Town.

"Because I don't want to draw attention to myself," Kafei spoke as he approached the empty reception desk. It was pretty damn cute to see him reach up over the desk and palm at the little bell that resided just within ringing distance.

"Yea…right…new kid in town wearing the Keaton mask isn't suspicious at all. I forgot." Link just stood at the door, watching his partner's efforts to get someone at the desk. Hopefully Anju.

"Ugh, hello? Heeelllooo?"

No one.

Link paced the lobby, then paused at the corner of the stairs and bottom corridor. "We should check the kitchen. Anju cooks for all the visitors, doesn't she? And with those circus freaks staying here, she'll have a lot of it to do, right?"

Kafei nodded and the two continued their adventurous adventure down the corridor.

Actually, not even halfway down did Link pause to peek into the nearest room: the bathroom, a.k.a. the only room, aside from the kitchen, with no fucking door. Imagine that. He didn't stop for a bathroom break, though. Oooooh, no. It was the grotesque arm reaching up out of the toilet itself that caught his and Kafei's attention.

"P-p-p-paper, p-please…" A water-choked, gurgled voice echoed from down below.

The two boys exchanged glances.

"Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaper…" It groaned again, fingers all wiggling.

Instead of giving the poor fool paper, which sat stacked just out of the mystery man's reach, Link pulled up his tunic and down on his leggings. He exposed his most private regions. "Trololololo," he chortled very uncharacteristically and shoved his dick into the hand.

"P-p-p-penis?"

Kafei just turned and left at this point, because who the fuck wants to stick around to watch toilet guy jerk off the Hero of Time? He had a mission, anyway. He had to confront Anju, and tell her what happened!

"Wait, WHAT?" To his horror and dismay, when Kafei rounded the corner into the kitchen, he was met with the sight of his very own fiancée straddling the Goron mail guy on the bar. Her skirt was ruffled up at her waist, and her own expression was that of shock, confusion, and a loss of arousal.

"Kafei...?!" She exclaimed in her whore voice.

"BITCH, THE WEDDING IS OFF!"

Link dashed into the kitchen at the sound of Kafei's voice, and added his own mixture of expressions. He stood still as Kafei immediately attacked him with passion.

Somewhere in the background, Tatl was saying some annoying ass shit, and, again, no one was listening.

The boys made out a little bit, then Kafei, still wearing his Keaton mask, did his kinky fox-spirit dance on his new boy toy's dick. It much resembled that homosexual Kamaro's dance, which was fitting.

Life was whole in that moment, until the sexually frustrated moon came on down to the orgy party and pooped it.


End file.
